Easier to Run
by Shinigami709
Summary: Rated as such for the hints at rape, abuse, and suicidal ideations. Seto awakens from a nightmare and analyzes his and Mokuba's past.


Easier To Run  
  
Notes: I honestly don't remember how old Seto and Mokuba were when they were adopted. There are two versions of this. One from Seto's POV and one from Mokuba's. I didn't know what one would be better, so I did Seto's.  
  
Song Lyrics  
  
Warnings: Slight alcoholism, hints of abuse, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal ideation.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any other copyrighted material. I don't own the song "Easier to Run" It's owned by Linkin Park.  
  
Summary: Song fic from Seto's POV. Kaiba looks at his past and reflects on the events thereof.  
  
o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o--o-- o--o--o--o--o—o  
  
Seto sat up in his bed, breathing heavily. He'd had the nightmare again. He'd been having the same dream repeatedly every night for the last five years. The visions were of his adoptive father's death, the abuse and frequent rape he endured.  
  
It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb. It's so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone.  
  
In an attempt to calm his shaken nerves, Seto reached for a flask. He'd been keeping it by his bed every night since the nightmares started. The alcohol numbed him enough to allow Seto to get some semblance of sleep. Dealing with a small hangover was a small price to pay to survive another long night alone.  
  
Something has been taken From deep inside of me. A secret I've kept locked away No one can ever see.  
  
Most of Yugi's group was aware that the Kaiba brothers had been abused by Gozaburo, however, not even Mokuba was aware of how severely Seto had been abused. When Seto was ten, the abuse began. At first it was mostly from his inattention to his studies. Any grade lower than an A earned a beating under Gozaburo's roof. It only happened one time for Seto. When he got older, the sexual abuse started. Most times Seto received that when he tried to protect Mokuba from being hurt. The younger boy didn't know of his brother's sacrifices for him.  
  
Wounds so deep they never show They never go away. Like moving pictures in my head For years and years they've played.  
  
For Kaiba's part, his memories hindered him in his present life. No matter how hard he wanted to, he couldn't overcome the scars Gozaburo gave him. It was hard for Seto to allow anyone to be close to him, which caused some tension between himself and his boyfriend, Jounouchi Katsuya. Memories of being chained to the bed and having various "toys" used on him prevented Seto from becoming intimate with Jou. Those images were something that Kaiba's pride and strong will couldn't suppress.  
  
If I could change, I would. Take back the pain, I would Retrace very wrong move that I made, I would.  
  
As Seto sat collecting himself, he began thinking, "If someone would show me how to deal with this, I would. I'd gladly listen. I know killing my adoptive father wasn't the answer, even Mokuba saw the man really cared about us." Seto continued as he took another drink, "I don't want to end up like my old man. I want to take back every wrong move I've made. There's so much I regret..." Kaiba lay back against the pillows.  
  
If I could Stand up and take the blame, I would. If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would.  
  
Knowing that if the media ever caught wind of the real cause of Gozaburo's death, Seto's company would be ruined, he continually lived with the secret that he was a murderer. He'd have to take that shame to the grave. It would be just another one of the many secrets that Seto had to hide from everyone.  
  
Sometimes I remember Through darkness of my past, Brining back these memories I wish I didn't have.  
  
Kaiba's past was rough. When his parents had both died, the two young boys were sent to live with relatives who monetarily sucked Mokuba and Seto dry of their inheritance. Then, getting placed in the orphanage and being adopted by Gozaburo...it was a past that no child should have had to endure. The nightmares caused by his adoptive father were a constant. Lately they'd been becoming more realistic. Seto could feel the man's hands on him instead of Jou's when they were alone. As long as the memories remained, Seto would live in self-imposed darkness.  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go And never looking back. And never moving forward so There'd never be a past.  
  
Many nights the thought of suicide tormented Seto. He wanted to let all the memories and dreams behind him. Leaving Mokuba wasn't an option. It was because of his little brother that Seto remained alive.  
  
If there was a way to make a new future, for Mokuba, Seto would do it, however, making a new future would mean risking a new memory triggering something he'd buried. If Seto left his past behind, he knew he couldn't go back to any memory.  
  
Just washing it aside All of the helplessness inside. Pretending I don't feel misplaced Is so much simpler than change.  
  
Finishing the remainder of the Jack Daniel's in the flask, Seto was washing away the feelings of loneliness. Turning to the alcohol was a much easier solution than changing himself. It's human nature to avoid change, and the brunette was no exception.  
  
It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb. It's so much easier to go, Than face all this pain here alone.  
  
Reaching for a new bottle, Seto opened it. Rather than deal with any more of the pain, Kaiba was going to run one last time. Taking some of the anti-depressants he'd gotten a few weeks ago, he downed them with a long drink of J.D. Tired of facing the pain alone, Seto waited for the "cocktail" to claim his memories along with his life. 


End file.
